I’m a mother, a wife, a college professor. I also have incurable Stage IV cancer
I HAD HOPED THAT GOD AND I HAD A deal. I’d grown up in southern Man-itoba province, Canada, surrounded by enough Mennonites to learn how to compliment tractor equipment and make a decent loaf of bread. I’d lucked into loving, faithful parents and a loving, faithful church. I’d even fallen in love with a boy at Bible camp and, to my great surprise, found he loved me back. Faith and happiness were intertwined. That was the deal. Work hard, stay right with God and life would work out somehow.
So often, with the right combination of hard work and hope, I found my life coming together. Toban—that boy from Bible camp—and I got married after college. I earned a master’s degree in the history of religion at Yale Divinity School and a Ph.D. at Duke University. Duke hired me as a professor straight out of grad school, a rarity in academia, where graduate students now worry that they might have a better chance of making a moon landing than finding a job. I had endured dark seasons of infertility and disability but, at last, was living the life I had hoped for. Toban and I had a precocious and hilarious son, Zach. I published my first book—a study of the prosperity gospel movement, detailing the history of Christian beliefs about how good things must happen to good people.
A central tenet of the prosperity gospel is that health and wealth are signs of God’s favor. The stronger your faith, the more God rewards you. Theologically speaking, I never thought I had much in common with the movement. But I couldn’t help concluding that God seemed to be rather pleased with my efforts. I was working hard and reaping the rewards. God was holding up his end of our implicit deal.
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
What prayer can do
POWER IN OUR DAY-TO-DAY LIVES
Rejoice in All Things
My husband and I had an annual tradition of celebrating the high points of the year. This time, he wanted to try something different
Special Delivery
A month after my wife died and my life felt so empty, the only thing I had to look forward to was Amazon
A Prayer for Cullen
Even in a family crisis, I had trouble quieting my mind enough to listen for God
Blackie & Rosebud
What would happen to my friend's cats now that she was gone?
The Kids Are Alright
My twin boys and I had always been close. I thought they needed me. Now I wasn't so sure
Kindred Spirits
I thought the nose ring gave it away—she was just another teenager. I couldn't imagine how she could help me
A Boy Named Sue
In 1969, Johnny Cash and his wife, June, threw a party at their house in Hendersonville, Tennessee, a “guitar pull,” where guests passed around a guitar and tried out new songs.
Active Duty
I'd tried everything for my knee - physical therapy, gel injections, a cumbersome brace. Everything except prayer
Living an Abundant Life
A conversation with spirituality and health researcher Harold G. Koenig, M.D., on what makes people truly happy