Sorry, But It's Time We Talked About Over-Apologising

It's okay to say sorry when you've made a mistake on a task or inconvenienced a colleague, but continuing to apologise when you don't need to may hurt your professional image.

- SASHA GONZALES

Most of us have made mistakes, inconvenienced others or rubbed someone the wrong way at work we might have missed a deadline, forgotten about a meeting, or not responded to a client who was eagerly waiting to hear back from us. While saying "sorry" is probably what's needed to redeem ourselves in such cases, it's important to know where to draw the line, because there is such a thing as going overboard with an apology.

Over-apologising – that is, apologising too much or too intensely – is not uncommon in the workplace. It can be hard to move on from knowing that we upset someone or did something wrong (even if the situation was beyond our control).

However, mental health and career experts say that this self-deprecating habit can destroy your confidence at work, make you appear weak or incompetent, and annoy your co-workers, causing them to lose respect for you. The best and most professional way to apologise for a mistake is simply to own up to it and try to fix it.

OVER-APOLOGISING: WHO DOES IT AND WHY?

There are many reasons why someone might over-apologise. It might stem from low self-esteem, so some people apologise more than is necessary to make themselves feel better, or to compensate for what they deem to be their own flaws or failures, says Dr Lim Boon Leng, a psychiatrist at Dr BL Lim Centre for Psychological Wellness.

Individuals with low self-esteem also tend to worry about what others think. To avoid conflict or negative outcomes, they may feel like they need to apologise more.

Others are just conflict-avoidant, and for them, over-apologising may be the best way out of a difficult situation.