How To Be Your Own Marriage Counsellor!

If going to a couples’ therapist to iron out the issues you are facing is not possible, perhaps there is a tip or two here you could utilise.

Seeing a couples’ therapist can help when you have reached an impasse in your relationship. But you can also work on your problems by being your own marriage counsellor.

We took some of your most pressing couple concerns to the experts and asked them to give their advice on how to deal with these issues.

Here, they tell how you and your partner can best work through differences together.

“I Don’t Want Sex As Much As My Husband Does”

Desire discrepancy is common in long-term relationships. There may be feelings of guilt, sadness and resentment on both sides.

HAVE A RESPECTFUL DISCUSSION.

Tell each other how you feel. There is potential for hurt, so be kind in the process of sharing and do not blame or criticise each other.

If you are the one with the lower libido, you may feel pressured and become reluctant to show affection.

Your husband may also feel resentful and possibly has a theory about why you are not wanting sex: “She mustn’t find me attractive”, “She must be having an affair” or “Maybe she is gay”. Tell him what is impacting your libido.

To regain intimacy, collaborate to devise practical strategies so that both your needs are met. It can be helpful for the person with lower desire to identify the benefits of having more sex. For example, it is good exercise, it feels good and it makes your partner happy.

Do things that might get you in the mood. Take good care of your body, think about sex, have a bath or some drinks together after dinner.

Remember, women need emotional intimacy to get in the mood for physical intimacy while men need physical intimacy to get in the mood for emotional intimacy.

TIPS

Never discuss sexual problems in the bedroom. Really listen and take in what your partner says. Put sex first on your to-do list.