Be Your Own Marriage Counsellor

Strengthening and repairing the bonds with your husband doesn't have to involve grand gestures.

- Sarah Marinos

The simple things can make a big difference in a relationship, like a world of appreciation, a touch of the hand, truly listening to your partner’s concerns or making time for fun. Here, we look at what you can do to strengthen the bond with your husband, and keep your marriage exciting and fresh.

DON’T PLAY THE BLAME GAME

When something is bothering you, don’t begin a conversation by pointing the finger at your husband and reeling off a list of complaints.

Instead of saying ‘you always do this’ or ‘you never do that’ make an ‘I’ statement such as, ‘I feel this’ or ‘I think that’. When you aren’t pointing the finger and your husband doesn’t feel threatened, he is more likely to listen and be open to what you are saying.

SCHEDULE IN SOME FUN 

Play is important for the healthy emotional development of a relationship. “If you can have fun together you build resilience to support each other in hard times,” says psychologist and relationship counsellor Guy Vicars. “If you only talk about problems, you’ll want to get away from each other.”

So be spontaneous. Go for an early morning swim at the beach together, take an afternoon off work and sit in the back row at the movies, or cuddle up on the couch and watch a favourite TV programme together. Do the things you did together when you first fell in love.

DON’T EXPECT YOUR HUSBAND TO CHANGE TOO MUCH (HE PROBABLY WON’T)

A couch potato who prefers curling up to watch the newest Blu-ray movie is never going to share your enthusiasm for early morning boot camp. Someone who is shy and prefers their own company won’t become a party animal. Don’t expect your partner to completely mirror and share your interests, values and habits.