Get Inside His Head

Decoding the ‘Silent Treatment’ – learn why it’s actually okay, and how to work with it.

It’s no secret that men and women tend to handle things differently.Sometimes the different ways you and your partner deal with issues and situations can cause tension, but understanding why you handle things so differently can help you work through situations together in a healthier way. Stefan Blom, Cape Town-based clinical psychologist and author of The Truth About Relationships (NB Publishers), shares a few theories around the different methods of communication in men and women, and how to navigate them.

TALKING IT OUT VERSUS KEEPING IT IN

‘The perception that women “talk it out” and men tend to keep their thoughts and feelings to themselves is often true,’ explains Stefan. ‘In my experience, women are usually very surprised to hear that their partners have just as much to say as they do when they’re in a safe space like therapy. It’s important to remember that you and your man are equally affected by what happens within your relationship, and often in similar ways. Just because you process externally by speaking openly, and he processes internally by working through his thoughts quietly, doesn’t mean he doesn’t think about things or need to talk about them.’

Stefan says that over the last 20 years, he’s seen women and men communicate a lot, but talking isn’t the only or most important method. ‘We don’t only communicate through talking, we also communicate through actions, sex, intimacy, facial expressions and body language, finances, and small everyday behaviours. I encourage couples to acknowledge all forms of communication as equally valuable.’