Would Your Relationship Pass An Audit?

Don’t wait for it to be broken to fix it! Even the strongest partnerships need maintenance, explains relationship expert Susan Quilliam

- Susan Quilliam

Of course you love each other and life together is good. Yes, there may be some dissatisfaction, disappointment, or doubt from time to time. But all couples face that, so surely you shouldn’t take it too seriously?

I disagree. As a relationship coach, I see many couples who hesitated to take a long, hard look at their partnership, and slid from mild dissatisfaction to serious disillusionment. On average, couples wait six years from the first hint of a problem before attempting to resolve it. By then, it’s often too late.

That is why I’m a fan of the relationship audit, which means regularly reviewing how you’re thriving together, acknowledging your concerns, and finding ways to make sure your love is on track.

GETTING STARTED...

You may feel wary about suggesting a relationship audit – what if your partner feels attacked or panics that you’re heading for divorce? If so, make sure you’re considering the following:

FRAMEWORK Don’t present the audit as onerous, but as enjoyable. Perhaps include it in the context of an evening out or a weekend away.

POSITIVITY Using criticism to get a partner involved rarely works. “You never do this” is likely to raise hackles. “I’d love you to do this” creates cooperation.

BENEFITS During and after the audit, show how pleased you are. When changes happen, make your response affirmative and rewarding.

THE BIG 5...

While your relationship audit will focus on your particular concerns, here are five areas that I’ve found couples need to pay particular attention to.

1 CARE