Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep
Direction Magazine|March 2020
Sinéad Kennedy was ready for giving up but then God stepped in
Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep

I wondered why Mam had fallen asleep again. I was trying to get her attention but she was unresponsive. I tried calling and shaking her but there was still no answer. This had become a familiar pattern of behaviour since Mam had begun drinking heavily and taking drugs.

I know she was a struggling single mother with four kids under the age of ten, but we desperately needed her. She used to be such a devoted mother before Dad’s infidelity. I know her world shattered in that moment, but we just wanted everything to go back to normal.

Sadly that would never be the case, and at the age of four I was put into foster care. It was the system’s way of providing a more stable environment for me and my siblings, but instead drove deep the belief that I was rejected and abandoned.

We saw Mam on occasions but the addiction took its toll on her and we noticed a rapid decline in her physical and mental health.

Dad moved in with his new partner after she became pregnant. Sometimes I cried myself to sleep wondering why he chose his new family over us. We saw him at times but I really hoped that one day he’d realise how much we meant to him and come and get us. Sadly he never did.

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