Brandon Armstrong - The Great Pretender

Brandon Armstrong has blazed an entirely new path to hoops glory by parodying the NBA's finest. But now that he has achieved viral fame, what's next?

- Kent Russel

 

IT DOES SOUND like the setup to a joke: Young NBA never-was walks into Atlanta’s swankiest mall, buys up all the shoes his entourage can carry. “Hey ... Jeremy!” Brandon Armstrong calls across the store to his friend, roommate and manager. He holds up two size 14 boots, a slate gray and a blue suede. “C’mon, bruh,” Jeremy Halbert-Harris answers, bulging his eyes, grimacing and twisting his head clockwise, as if to implore his client to hurry up and arrive at the obvious choice. “Where’s my Future hat, though?” Armstrong asks. “Boy,” Jeremy says. “The only way you gonna stop wanting a Future hat is when people online tell you how stupid you look in a Future hat.”

Armstrong, a guard out of nearby Chamblee, involves all 6 feet, 1 inch of himself in clucking his tongue, slapping at nothing, dismissing his manager. Then he settles back down so the clerk can attend to his feet. Seated, he’s more restive than restful, exuding the skittish potentiality of a schoolboy on Friday; it’s the kind of barely contained vigor that awaits the introduction of a ball, some rules, the starting shot—anything. This inborn athleticism helped land Armstrong a scholarship at Lincoln Memorial University, where he led the woeful D2 Railsplitters to a No. 1 national ranking. After college, it took his pro career from the D-League to Spain and Australia. As recently as July, Armstrong, 25, was scheduled to participate in EuroBasket’s summer league. The $425 fee had even been waived for him. But he skipped his flight. He decided he’d rather make a new comedy video.