The Joy Of Messing Up

The fear of failure can hold us back from many opportunities. But, says Kate Graham, embracing mistakes can be the key to success

- Kate Graham

With a sinking heart Jessica knew the job interview wasn’t going well. Midway through her presentation, still foggy-headed from staying up with her sick daughter the night before, the political consultant could feel her confidence slipping away. “I managed to keep going even though I knew I hadn’t prepared enough,” she says. “But the next day I was mortified to hear the damning feedback they’d given to the recruitment consultant. They said that while I had the quantity – the years of experience – I lacked the quality. It was really quite cutting.” Her confidence was damaged badly. “I gave up on the job search and stayed in a position I’d outgrown. Even when my boss left and I knew I could easily have done that job, I didn’t go for it.”

Many of us have a failure horror story, be it a relationship rejection or exam blunder, that has the power to make us shiver however long ago it happened. But even without a dramatic moment, the fear of it can make a profound impact on our lives.

For me it has meant steering clear of the things I thought I couldn’t succeed at. During school it was anything to do with numbers. At university I wouldn’t have dreamed of trying out for a sports team. Why put myself in a position to fail – publicly? Divide an uncertain world into the things I can and can’t do, stick firmly in my lane and I’m both protected and can project success. Win-win.

Except now I watch my daughters. My one-yearold falls 100 times a day and bounces back up and my three-year-old happily misses the mark at everything from French to swimming. At 39, I want to know their secret, not least because I want to help them preserve that spirit. I don’t want them to follow in my failure-fearing footsteps.

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