Removing The Fear Of Dying A Doula Shares Her Wisdom

Embracing the last stage of life has been a life-affirming experience for Carol

- Leena Tailor

Carol Wales was eight when she organised a funeral for her cat Tubby. “I put my dressing gown on back-to-front, got this nail box and made the surrounds of a grave,” she recalls. “I was adamant about having this ceremony and honouring the cat’s life.”

Five decades later, Carol’s care, curiosity and compassion around death has seen her carve out a career as an end-of-life doula, who has assisted hundreds of people through the final phases of their lives.

Growing up in Auckland with parents Myrtle and Alan, and Yugoslav immigrant grandparents, the 66-year-old Kiwi says being surrounded by different cultures instilled an empathy for people from all walks of life.

At 10, she became intrigued by her grandmother’s passing. “I remember the wonderment of seeing my father receive the news and the emotion involved. I’d never seen him cry and felt it deeply inside.”

It’s losing family members that helped inspire Carol’s career path. Alan, who rode an 18-speed bike up until he was 86, passed away in 2002 and, shortly after, Myrtle entered a rest home while developing dementia.

“I visited every day and before she passed, they allowed me to stay. I saw people in the rest home that died on their own and that saddened me. Some people don’t have family or children.

“After my mum, I wanted to work with those dying and help them – create a space allowing them to feel safe talking about personal issues and make them as comfortable as possible.”