Clean Break

Break-ups can be messy affairs. But there’s a way to guard your emotions and maintain your sanity during the madness.

- Phila Tyekana

Most women have experienced the inevitable gut-sinking feeling during a break-up. It’s a pain that many of us aren’t prepared for. It’s not just the sadness and grief over losing someone close — but it’s also disbelief that someone who was once fully accessible to you is now off-limits.

It’s not hard to see why we backslide into contact with exes — for sex, cuddling, or texting — when we’re feeling lonely, weak-willed or even drunk. But some people seem more prone to it than others. My first break-up was a mess. My high-school boyfriend and I lingered in an ambiguous space for so long, that I wanted to avoid repeating a similarly torturous situation at all costs. To me, the fewer boundaries we had, the more hurt we felt.

Other women avoid all forms of contact with former lovers. Corey, 28, ended things with her first love at age 26, after he admitted to being unsure of where their relationship was headed. She was restrained about the whole matter, especially considering they worked together. She cut off all unnecessary contact. “I knew we couldn’t continue dating after I dropped the L-bomb. The thought of hooking up after he didn’t say what I wanted to hear repelled me — I knew I deserved better than someone who was unsure.”

Another friend, Jane, 29, dated a guy in her social circle until his hot-and-cold behaviour led her to cut things off… but it took a while. “He knew what to say to keep me interested,” she says. “It’s seriously an art — he was manipulative.” Break-ups are never fun, but they definitely don’t have to be as bad. Follow these 12 steps to make yours cleaner, clearer and less confusing.

1. Call it something else