She's Not Your BFF!

While it may seem cool, being really close friends with your daughter isn’t modern, it’s toxic. One mother speaks about the dangers of not setting boundaries.

- Kate Faithfull

“My alarm went off at 6am so I could soften the blow of a particularly early start for the 17-year-old with her favourite oats-with-cinnamon breakfast; then the nine-year-old got coaxed from her slumber with a cup of hot chocolate in bed. If the principal at my daughter’s school saw how I spoil her, she’d be in despair. Just last week, she addressed teachers and parents about the behaviour of mothers who are so desperate to be their daughters’ ‘best friend forever’ (or BFF), that they’re creating a whole generation of dependent and spoilt young women who’re ill-equipped to cope with the adult world.

Actually, the principal needn’t worry too much about me. My doting amounts to nothing more than the small acts of love typical of most mothers. That’s all. Like the principal, I find it difficult to understand or relate to the ‘I’m my daughter’s best friend’ brigade.It’s because I know damn well that all three of my girls have plenty of friends already, and I’m the very last person they need to join those ranks.

From me, they get something that no friend, no matter how loyal, can ever hope to offer them: tough and boundary-setting love that only a mother dare provide. I say ‘dare’, because telling a feisty 17-year-old that they can’t go to a party where you know damn well that the parents have provided copious amounts of booze and zero adult supervision is no mean feat. Nor is questioning their sense of injustice, after they’ve been taken to task for shoddy work by a teacher who you think was quite right to hand out an after-school detention.

DISH OUT TOUGH LOVE