As a mother, your goal in life is to protect your child. It doesn't matter how old they get, you worry about them constantly. One of the hardest things is realising you are helpless, that nothing you can do will save them. That’s how I felt time and time again with my daughter, Vanessa. I tried desperately to free her from the clutches of her abusive boyfriend. ‘He’s going to kill you,’ I’d warned tearfully. I made every attempt possible – yet, like most domestic violence victims, Vanessa had felt trapped by her abuser and nothing I said could make her see the awful truth about her situation.
Vanessa and my younger daughter, Natalie, were born a year apart, and were inseparable growing up. At 17, Vanessa was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, where the immune system gets confused and attacks the nerve cells. Despite it causing problems with her balance and restricting mobility in her limbs, Vanessa had always been strong-willed, and was determined to live a normal life.
‘Natalie and I are moving in together,’ she announced at 18. And while they were still teenagers and I worried, I was proud of their bond and independence.
Years passed, Vanessa picked up odd jobs, while Natalie married, had kids. It was lovely seeing my girls go out into the world and find happiness, so when Vanessa met a boyfriend, and had Julius, at 30, I was thrilled. Only, by the time Julius was two, Vanessa was a single mum, and struggling with her MS, which affected her decision making. Some days, she couldn’t get out of bed, so I took in Julius full time. ‘You can see him whenever you want,’ I promised.
Vulnerable nature
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