Love Lawn

Mr Dear is in the thrall of a new enthusiasm

If you’re of the age when you’re looking forward to packing in your job and retiring, how do you see yourself spending the days?

You’ll no doubt be rather excited at the lifestyle suggested by adverts aimed at the older generation. You will one day, they claim, find yourself gazing out to sea from the deck of the Queen Mary 2 (other luxury liners are available) in a glamorous evening gown. If you look carefully at the picture in your mind’s eye, you might also notice that the person you are with is much younger and more chisel-jawed than usual.

When you’re not on the Queen Mary 2, you are cruising down the Rhine or enjoying a weekend break in a European city. Then at home, where naturally you have a whizzy lift and a safe shower, you can relax in one of those armchairs that recline at the touch of the button. You are all smiles. This is partly because that armchair is particularly comfortable, but also because cherubic grandchildren are gathered around you.

Look at them closely. There is no chocolate smeared around their lips. They are all smiling and gazing at you with obvious adoration. They have yet to complain about your poor Wi-Fi signal and none of them are pressing the buttons on your reclining chair in the hope of watching you do 60 sit-ups a minute.