“Excuse Me, I'd Like You To Meet My Dreams, My Wishes…..”

Reinvest in yourself gently.

- Dr Rumy Agarwal

So, as “little girls”, me and my buddies parroted these lines and believed them whole heartedly. That was our first lesson in Pavlov’s tenet of “conditioning.” It did make us feel very special, especially as compared to the snotnosed, uncouth boys of our age ! Then, as we kept growing, our teachers and elders constantly reinforced the “niceness” of girls by telling us to be caring and sensitive and perceptive of other people’s needs and wishes. Of course, along the way, we also learnt that boys weren’t so bad after all – they were just different ! While we learnt to pay attention to other people’s feelings, they learnt to be competitive. Anyway, the male psyche is not under the scanner here, the female one is, so let’s talk about that.

Our teachers exhorted us to walk the path of selflessness because, they said, therein lies true happiness. Beautiful sentiments, no doubt. And also a fine operating principle, if you go strictly by the book. Relationships work better, last longer and are infinitely happier when others’ needs and feelings are put before our own.