INSANE BROTHERS.FROM OTHER MOTHERS

The Lamborghini Urus Performante presents with symptoms of Completely Bonkers first seen in the Nineties GMC Typhoon.

- MATT FARAH

"Performance SUV” is an oxymoron. It shouldn’t exist. Utilitarian plus very fast makes no sense. What self-indulgent person needs a ridiculously expensive vehicle to haul sheets of plywood, a family of five, or 20 carry-ons— and ass? And with a 190-mph top speed? Performance-car enthusiasts are not practical people and certainly not rational consumers. No one needs a whomping SUV, but plenty of people want one.

Porsche’s Cayenne Turbo GT runs the Nürburgring as quickly as a 911 from a decade ago. General Motors put a 682-hp supercharged V-8 in the Escalade. The best-selling Mercedes G-Wagen variant in the U.S. is, laughably, the AMG G63. Ferrari, Aston Martin, and Lotus held out but are now in the fast-SUV business. And the fastest and most ostentatious of them all? It’s likely this: the Lamborghini Urus Performante, a $330K, two-anda-half-ton, 657-hp twin-turbo V-8 crossover optimized for the racetrack.

To call the Urus Performante a “culmination” would be to tempt fate, as these things aren’t getting slower, lighter, or cheaper.

The Performante is awash in torque, the eight-speed automatic paddles precisely, and the chassis grips like a barnacle. There’s some Audi in it, like in every Urus, but from carbon-fiber hood to titanium exhaust, this is the most Lambo of Urus models by far. It’s stiff and it barks, but it still has room for a couple of kids.

And it’s all GMC’s fault.