These are the last text messages Tina Malone ever received from her husband Paul - and when she reads them the tears fall again.
"Tina, you gave me everything. I love you unconditionally. You made my life perfect throughout the chaos. Forgive me," wrote the 41-year-old former soldier.
Hours after sending them Paul died by his own hand leaving Tina and their 10-year-old daughter Flame devastated.
"The texts were sent at about 4am but I have an old phone and they didn't come through straight away. When they finally arrived the police were already at my house breaking the news that he'd gone," says the Shameless star of that terrible day in March.
But even as officers were knocking on the door of the Liverpool home she shared with Paul, nicknamed "Chevy" by army pals thanks to his surname Chase, the 61-year-old actress knew something was terribly wrong.
"Paul hadn't come home the previous night. There are woods opposite the house and as I was leaving to take Flame to school I heard sirens and saw flashing blue lights and I knew. I just knew.
"I got home and then there was a knock. When I opened the door the police were there. I said, 'It's Paul isn't it?' "We'd been through hell in the 12 months before he died. He had felt so lost, so useless.
He couldn't fight any more." We meet in a hotel room in her native city, the bright spring sunshine pouring in through large windows and contrasting sharply with Tina’s still-raw grief. This is the first time she has spoken about the suicide of her “honest, caring, kind” life partner.
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
SEASONAL SHOPPING
Get in the festive spirit with a visit to one of the UK's best Christmas markets.
BOOST YOUR BRAIN HEALTH
As doctors highlight the importance of early detection in dementia cases, here are some of the steps we can take to help protect ourselves
'If it wasn't for psychiatrist, I wouldn't be a sitting here'
Comedian Ruby Wax shares her long-term struggles with mental health as she backs a brand new campaign to inspire and help others
I'm happy to be the one who says no'
TV presenter Helen Skelton might love the adrenaline rush of a new adventure, but when she's not busy breaking Guinness World Records she has learned how to take the pressure off herself
My daughter is excited to see Daddy covered in bugs'
I'm A Celebrity star Alan Halsall on how his loved ones feel about his Aussie adventure and what he will miss most while away
'We enjoy doing things together - we motivate and encourage one another'
Race Across The World stars Kelly Brook and her husband Jeremy Parisi on letting the cameras into their private life with their new reality series and taking on their toughest challenge yet
"They'd need to be Christian - but I'm hoping I'll find someone who will treat me right'
MAFS UK'S Sacha Jones says she's devastated following her heartbreaking split from \"husband\" Ross McCarthy
THE ROYAL WEEK
Armistice Day was remembered, entertainers were honoured and the King celebrated his birthday
KATE'S NEXT MAJOR MILESTONE
\"This is Kate's night,\" a royal expert tells OK!, as the Princess of Wales reveals she will be hosting her annual carol service this year
I'm in awe of my baby boy - he is truly a blessing'
JLS singer Oritsé Williams and his wife Kazz introduce baby son Shiva to the world in our exclusive OK! shoot