EVERY TEN-BEST LIST

SHOUTS & MURMURS

- PAUL RUDNICK

1. Something so obscure and pretentious that you’re the only person who’s ever seen, read, or listened to it. Use the phrases “soul-shattering,” “proudly noncommercial,” “blazingly idiosyncratic,” and “seemingly empty yet rife with meaning.”

2. Something super-successful that you can ratify in a quasi-absurdist, neo-ironic way, with language like “populist,” “ubiquitous,” “surprisingly heartfelt,” and “Taylor Swift meets Beyoncé meets Justin and Britney Beanie Babies.”