HOW TO BE YOUR OWN THERAPIST

With more and more of us struggling with our mental health, here's a common-sense guide to coping with life's ups and downs

-  MIRANDA LEVY

AN INCREASING number of us find ourselves in need of emotional direction as we battle the challenges of work, redundancy, relationship breakdowns, bereavement or just the unpredictable ups and downs of midlife and beyond.

"Most people simply crash-land into adulthood," says Owen O'Kane, a psychotherapist and the author of How to Be Your Own Therapist. "Unless we've been lucky with our parents, psychological wellness has not been part of our upbringing: we haven't been taught the key skills of managing difficult thoughts and emotional regulation," he says.

Every person could benefit from therapy, he believes. "A therapist can be helpful when a person can't see the wood for the trees," he says, "to stand alongside them and help them understand themselves and why they continue to repeat certain patterns of behaviour. But many people can't afford a private therapist." In the absence of a therapist, he believes, doing nothing isn't an option.

"The idea of self-therapy is to get you on the road: a crash course in getting to know and understand yourself." His approach mixes the disciplines of cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), trauma therapy and mindfulness, with a focus on practical things such as written exercises.

"It doesn't help anyone in distress just to ruminate on their problems," O'Kane says. "The 'knowing' has to be matched by the 'doing', with the aim that we change our behaviours and deal with our future problems more easily." Here he explains seven key skills that could help you become your own therapist.

1 GET TO KNOW YOUR 'STORY'

The story of your life will contain many treasures that help you understand who you are, and how you can live a fuller future. Start off by literally jotting down a timeline of the key events of your life - just the highlights, like the trailer to a movie.