How to actually forgive yourself

No matter what you did, you can move past it.

- PATIA BRAITHWAITE & SAMANTHA VINCENTY

FORGIVING OTHERS isn't always easy. When someone hurts you, it can require major strength (and maturity) to take a deep breath, put your ego aside, and accept a sincere apology. But what happens if the person you need to let off the hook is yourself? Many of us are too self-critical and it can be really, really difficult to forgive yourself for making a mistake or hurting someone. Whether you made a few careless comments at a wedding and now you're on the wrong end of a possible friend breakup, or you're tired of never sticking up for yourself, it can feel downright impossible to end the self-condemnation and let those things go. You may not even understand why it's so hard to forgive yourself for past mistakes, no matter how ready you are (or think you are) to shed the burden of carrying these guilty feelings with you. Often, "the reason why it can be challenging for some people to move into forgiveness is because it's not just about that one event," says Courtney Cope, a principle manager of clinical operations at online therapy platform Better Help. Whether the misstep is forgetting a friend's birthday, say, or a bigger transgression like cheating on a partner, "the event triggers other negative emotions, and the person will then begin to recall all of the things they've done wrong," she says. Cope adds that resorting to shame, blame, or anger when you make a mistake can all feed into the struggle to self-forgive. No matter what thoughts or feelings have you stuck, we hope the expert advice below will help you forgive yourself and move on (because you deserve it).

1 Affirm your ability to forgive yourself.