On a heavy Thursday afternoon, Richa and her girlfriend Smriti found themselves in a sex therapy session with me. Having been in a loving lesbian relationship for many years, Richa had been urging Smriti to “spice up their sex life” by adding something new. Richa enjoyed discovering new erotic content online and had recently taken to the BDSM lifestyle by joining a fetish club. Smriti, who had a lower libido than Richa and identified as more “vanilla” in bed, was resistant to this change in their sexual dynamic. One night, Richa and Smriti went out with friends for a rather spicy movie, and both got a bit too drunk. Richa, feeling the highs of the evening, ended up spanking Smriti rather violently in front of their friends without her permission, hoping it would turn her on and lead to an adventurous night. Antithetically, this caused Smriti to experience a massive flashback of her childhood abuser (her cousin who had raped her) doing the same, and she suffered a panic attack. As the night took an ugly turn, their friends were distraught, and Richa remained clueless about what had happened. That incident ruptured the trust in their relationship. We worked the rupture out in therapy for six months, gently, patiently, and by navigating through a lot of pain.
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