
My first psychotherapist tried to cure me of my interest in fashion. I was in my early twenties, and had gone to see him about my morbid fear of the dark. Every week, en route to his Fulham office, I would stop by a dress agency (appropriately named Hang Ups), and pick up second-hand John Galliano and Romeo Gigli pieces, mostly for around £40. On seeing my ever-changing outfits, and my ever-present shopping bag, he took it upon himself to try to persuade me that my interest in clothes was unhealthy.
It was expensive (for an art student) and betrayed a pathological investment in my own image. He suggested that I try wearing the same clothes for a week to see how I felt and to uncover the repressed, unconscious wishes behind my desire to dress up. I hated him so much I dropped my original symptom. I was cured!
Seven years and two more therapists later, I began to train as a psychoanalyst myself. I was struck, during my placement in an NHS psychotherapy clinic, by the fact that most psychiatrists' reports began with a description of the patient's clothes.
Were they scruffy? Clean? Conventional? Eccentric? What clues did they give to the person's inner world? I was also amused and irritated by a passage in psychoanalyst Nina Coltart's much-read book How to Survive as a Psychotherapist that advised female therapists to look as boring as possible. Interesting clothes would be too revealing of one's own narcissism, apparently. Did that really mean I was doomed to dress in tasteful, draped neutrals, perhaps with a chunky statement necklace the only bit of stylistic pleasure a 'proper' therapist was allowed?
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