THIRTY YEARS AGO, Allison McColeman hid a big secret from her family: a husband. McColeman, now a 55-year-old mom, feared the marriage would cause too much friction with her parents. She knew her stepfather didn’t like her partner, and the lovebirds had also only been dating for less than a year, which she knew would worry her mother. Plus, deep down she knew the marriage was a bad idea.
“I was embarrassed to tell them what I’d done,” she says. So McColeman pretended the man who swept her off her feet was simply her boyfriend. Only her closest friends knew the truth: McColeman had married the charming Irishman in a small wedding at City Hall, in part to sponsor his bid for Canadian citizenship. She expected they’d have a ‘real’ wedding if the relationship worked out.
Instead, the couple split after a year. It took another five years for McColeman to come clean to her mom (her stepfather had since died). Though her ex rarely came up in their conversation, McColeman couldn’t stop thinking about her secret. It was like there was an elephant in the room that only she saw. “I felt like I’d been lying to her all that time,” she says. “Afterward, I just felt lighter.”
We all have personal secrets—even if they’re not always as juicy as a hidden marriage. While not everybody needs to know everything about you, the benefits of sharing secrets can often be greater than whatever damage you’re imagining you will incur from doing so. Here’s how to start spilling the beans.
ASK: IS IT HARMFUL?
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