AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER, my mouth has been getting me into trouble. Growing up, I would say anything to get a laugh, no matter how crude or cutting. I used the gift of gab to get what I wanted from my parents (money, a later curfew) and to get out of what I didn't want (chores, groundings). I was asked to leave four different schools, mostly because I talked too much, and every one of my report cards said some variation of the same thing: I'd do much better if I would just shut up.
My mouth may have served me terribly as a student, but it set me up perfectly for a career in radio. In 2003, I launched a talk show on an AM station in the Toronto area. I would ask people about their religious beliefs and the role faith played in their lives. In my 16 years hosting the show, I interviewed rabbis, nuns, witches, Wiccans and Satanist high priests, and had celebrities, politicians, religious leaders and spiritual gurus share the “why” behind their beliefs.
I think the show succeeded because it engaged people who don’t usually listen to religious radio—people like me. After growing up in a churchgoing household and eventually becoming a pastor, I slowly began to reject organized religion. Still, I was fascinated by others’ beliefs.
Consumed by the need to understand the unknown, I travelled the world in search of answers. I prayed among ancient petroglyphs in Australia, slept at Stonehenge in England and wept at the Holocaust memorial in Jerusalem. I thought I’d find some divine truth if I visited all the sacred sites and interviewed every spiritual leader.
But the only truth I discovered was this: I was a selfish, egotistical, judgmental jerk. It hit me when I was close to turning 50 and almost every significant relationship in my life was in tatters. My wife of 28 years wanted a divorce. My kids weren’t my biggest fans, and when I asked my daughter what I was doing wrong, she told me she didn’t have enough time to explain it all.
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