Time to SPEAK UP

If you often struggle to find your voice, you're not alone, says Samantha Wood. Here's how you can make yourself heard

- Samantha Wood

Last week, I’d just come back from doing the weekly shop when my husband asked me what I had planned for his dinner because, seeing as I’d be out, I’d not be serving it up (quite literally) on a plate for him. I told him the cupboards were now full so he could take his pick, but he made a comment about me ‘not considering’ him and went and sat in the shed.

In that moment, what I wanted to do was tell him to sort his own dinner for once (with a few expletives chucked in), but what I actually did was apologise and quietly head back to the shops to pick him up something specific, calling a friend on the way. ‘I feel like I have no voice,’ I moaned, repeating the same thing I’ve heard myself say in different scenarios for decades.

I want to make it clear that my husband is a brilliant, loving, supportive man, and we are very happy, but when it comes to challenging the odd comment that I think is unfair or don’t agree with, I rarely speak up because I don’t want to ‘rock the boat’.

It’s been a hot topic for me over the years when I’ve found myself in the therapist’s chair – my silence when I feel wronged and my inability to put forward my opinion (at work, with friends, around the in-laws’ table), because I don’t want to cause upset. Counsellor Georgina Sturmer** says that this is hugely common in women. ‘It may be a stereotype in itself, but I see so many women who are “people-pleasers”, as we have been told that if we are compliant, helpful, nurturing and supportive, that is how we are an asset to society,’ she says. ‘However, this often means that we silence our own voice for fear of upsetting others.’