Deal or No Deal, we will Survivor
New Zealand Listener|December 02-08, 2023
Even right-wing commentators turned against the Great Negotiator’ as the coalition talks dragged on.
Michele Hewitson
Deal or No Deal, we will Survivor

Remember this? A thousand years ago, there was a telly game show called Deal or No R Deal. For some inexplicable reason, this was so popular it was franchised in countries around the world. It might have been the most boring game show in the history of game shows - other than the game show that has been the coalition negotiations.

In Deal or No Deal, if a contestant opted for a deal, one of the "briefcase beauties" - all dressed identically in sexy, spangled, cleavage-enhancing frocks would open her briefcase to reveal whether you had won a measly dollar, or, rarely, a million bucks. In the US, the show catapulted "briefcase beauty" Meghan Markle, now known, usually with derision, as the Duchess of Sussex, to the lower rungs of B-list fame.

If we ever again have to endure another coalition negotiation like this one, could we at least stage episodes of Deal or No Deal? And the briefcase is opened to reveal ... ministerial positions! If you are a lucky MP, your briefcase contains deputy prime minister.

If your luck sucks, it contains minister for potholes. At least the addition of briefcase beauties would make the photo ops for coalition talks more exciting.

The official "look at us, merrily negotiating away like mad" photo of Christopher Luxon, David Seymour and Winston Peters was released last week. There were no spangled frocks, just boring suits and awful ties. If we had briefcase beauties, at least we could all go "Phwoar! Nice knockers!" Not that we would, of course. We are all feminists now. Except, quite possibly, those three geezers in boring suits and awful ties. You cannot imagine any of them proclaiming that they were proudly feminist.

As an image of the future of the country for at least the next three years though anything can happen when Peters is added to the boil-up pot - it was hardly inspiring.

This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.

Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.

MORE STORIES FROM NEW ZEALAND LISTENERView all
First-world problem
New Zealand Listener

First-world problem

Harrowing tales of migrants attempting to enter the US highlight the political failure to fully tackle the problem.

time-read
3 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Applying intelligence to AI
New Zealand Listener

Applying intelligence to AI

I call it the 'Terminator Effect', based on the premise that thinking machines took over the world.

time-read
2 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Nazism rears its head
New Zealand Listener

Nazism rears its head

Smirky Höcke, with his penchant for waving with a suspiciously straight elbow and an open palm, won't get to be boss of either state.

time-read
2 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Staying ahead of the game
New Zealand Listener

Staying ahead of the game

Will the brave new world of bipartisanship that seems to be on offer with an Infrastructure Commission come to fruition?

time-read
4 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Grasping the nettle
New Zealand Listener

Grasping the nettle

Broccoli is horrible. It smells, when being cooked, like cat pee.

time-read
3 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Hangry? Eat breakfast
New Zealand Listener

Hangry? Eat breakfast

People who don't break their fast first thing in the morning report the least life satisfaction.

time-read
3 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Chemical reaction
New Zealand Listener

Chemical reaction

Nitrates in processed meats are well known to cause harm, but consumed from plant sources, their effect is quite different.

time-read
4 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Me and my guitar
New Zealand Listener

Me and my guitar

Australian guitarist Karin Schaupp sticks to the familiar for her Dunedin concerts.

time-read
2 mins  |
September 9, 2024
Time is on my side
New Zealand Listener

Time is on my side

Age does not weary some of our much-loved musicians but what keeps them on the road?

time-read
7 mins  |
September 9, 2024
The kids are not alright
New Zealand Listener

The kids are not alright

Nuanced account details how China's blessed generation has been replaced by one consumed by fear and hopelessness.

time-read
4 mins  |
September 9, 2024