Missing in action

In this edited extract from Never Not Working, Malissa Clark looks at the effects of workaholism on others - at home and at work.

AT HOME

Sometimes, the most powerful examples of the negative effects of workaholism come from workaholics' loved ones. In my research lab, we have interviewed more than 50 spouses of workaholics to gain an understanding of how workaholism affects families. Comparing these responses to the responses we received from the workaholics themselves makes it clear that workaholics underestimate the detrimental effects of their workaholism on their loved ones.

Chris realised the deep impact his workaholism had on his family by watching his son's approach to work. His son, now in his twenties, has told him that he intends to take a completely different attitude toward work because he has seen Chris working all the time. "I'm not going to be like you," he told Chris. He was going to enjoy his weekends and travel, using work to pay for his lifestyle, but that it would not be his life.

Chris's workaholism also took a toll on his marriage. Once, he left a seven-day vacation with his wife after day two to attend a conference. Another spouse of a workaholic said. something similar: "I know he's never having an affair. He's always at work [laugh].

I don't know. I feel like if anything, we mostly fight about me wanting him to spend more time with us." Interestingly, she then went on to try to rationalise what she clearly saw as troublesome behaviour: "So, I guess if we have to fight about something, it's not a bad thing to be our main fight. You're busy - you don't get into trouble in that sense." This is common as people try to support the person by looking for ways to explain the behaviour away or make it more palatable.

Here are a few snippets of what the loved ones of workaholics said when asked about how it affected their marriages and families. I've left them mostly unedited so you can sense the kind of frustration and grasping for answers they seem to be going through: