The power of forgiveness

British journalist Marina Cantacuzino explores the transformative value of reconciling with those who have caused us harm

-  LOUISE CHUNN

For the past 18 years, Marina Cantacuzino has been researching forgiveness. Her study has ranged from wars and violent crimes to F everyday slights and misunderstandings, infidelities and untruths. Put baldly, what she wants to know is where and if forgiveness fits into our lives. For a word that sounds so positive, uplifting and soothing, it's actually a messy business, with so much of the philosophy and action around it in question, or under attack.

How can you forgive the murderer of your child, or the terrorist whose bomb disabled you? What if it was your father who killed your mother, or the government of your country that imprisoned you unfairly, or the doctor who failed to save your husband's life?

And if, somehow, we do forgive - or say we do - is it because we want to look away and try to forget? Is forgiving in some way condoning an act? Is talking about forgiveness a way of closing down an argument, rather than working towards a resolution? Is forgiveness a sign of a civilised society, or one that is letting its power ebb away?

Cantacuzino, who is now in her mid60s, worked as a freelance journalist, living with her artist/house-husband and three children (who are now grown) in northwest London. Her bread-and-butter work was Hello! magazine, but she also wrote for Marie Claire and occasional Guardian pieces.

Her fixation with forgiveness started with the Iraq War and her fear that the post-9/11 world was set on vengeance. "I was convinced that the harder you come down on people, the more resistant and angry they grow. So, my way of trying to bring attention to peace rather than war was to find iconic cultural stories that showed people who had experienced trauma, atrocity and violence, but who hadn't reacted with vengeful instincts. And in the course of that, I also spoke to perpetrators of violence who had transformed that aggression into a force for peace."