LOSING two of my brothers when I was just eight and 10 years old had a huge impact on my life. One was killed when he was knocked off his bike and the other died in front of me from a heart condition that no-one knew about. To stand out in a family of boys just five years apart was difficult anyway but when they passed away, there was this pressure that you put on yourself to perform because you wanted to try and make up for your parents’ loss and make them happy.
For me and most boys in New Zealand at that time, it was all about rugby and I was given all the support I needed to make the most of my ability, and I was picked for the Wellington U21s whilst I was still at school, which was very unusual, by Andy Leslie, captain of the ’76 All Blacks team that went to South Africa. My first memories of rugby were getting up early to watch that tour.
I had my first senior game for Wellington before I’d played a game for my club, Petone. Steve Pokere, the former All Black centre, was a Mormon so he didn’t play on Sundays because of his religious beliefs and, as most of the games in the Top 6 competition were played on a Sunday, I got an opportunity. We regularly got smashed by 40-odd points. But I got to play alongside greats like John Gallagher and John Schuster, which was a hell of an honour.
Having toured Australia with New Zealand U21s, I was picked on the bench for the 1990 Bledisloe Cup series, aged just 18, and was also in the squad for the tour to France later that year. Mentally I wasn’t ready. Grant Fox got a hamstring niggle before the first game, against a Provence/Cote D’Azur Invitation XV in Toulon, and I came in and had a shocker. Everything happened extremely quickly and that was the start of the downfall for me with New Zealand rugby and the challenges I had to front up to with myself later in life.
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