THE security guard accused of plotting to kidnap, rape and kill Holly Willoughby told a jury he was "heartbroken, disgusted and shocked" that online chats about his plans were exposed.
Giving evidence for the first time, Gavin Plumb, 37, said his discussions were "massively regrettable", but insisted it was all just a fantasy.
He apologised for the "graphic and violent contents of some of the chats, and claimed: "It was a rush of excitement as I knew it was online to get my gratification and move on".
At Chelmsford crown court, he admitted his thoughts about the TV star in online chats were "dark".
But he insisted the messages about what he had planned for Ms Willoughby, who he called his "celebrity crush", were fantasy and it was "never going to happen".
He is accused of hatching a plot to abduct Ms Willoughby, best known for presenting ITV's This Morning and Dancing on Ice, by force from her home and then keep her imprisoned in a "dungeon".
The jury was told of Plumb's conviction for attempted kidnap in 2006, and two other offences of false imprisonment committed in 2008.
In 2006, in two separate incidents within three days, he tried to force two female air stewards off trains.
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