Phil Vickery sighs. His cheeks are red, his eyes are wet. "I'm quite emotional, always have been," he says. "I don't know why. Maybe it's my upbringing, middle child, the-forgotten-about-one, I don't know. No one ever gave me anything. I used to argue with the sports psychologist, they always told you: 'Emotion clouds judgment'. Well it might well do, sunshine, but let me tell you, when you're binding up for a scrum and you're a metre-and-a-half apart and you've got something over there, a tonnage, who wants to fucking eat you, you need to be emotional. If you ain't, there's something wrong with you."
Retirement has been hard on Vickery. He used that emotional energy as fuel when he was a player. These days he sometimes seems to be at a loss to know what to do with it. It's been 14 years since his last match, he was at it 20 years, won 73 England caps and five more for the British & Irish Lions. He still carries the wounds. Some he has been able to fix, others he is still working on, some you can see some, others you only hear. He has been through a divorce, a bankruptcy, and has spent a lot of time struggling with his mental health. He is phlegmatic about it, but there is a hell of a lot of hurt in him.
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
Postecoglou claims coach's life is harder than being PM
A Premier League manager has a tougher job than the prime minister, according to Ange Postecoglou.
Rashford rebuked Players must talk to manager not media - Amorim
Ruben Amorim has said when he was a player he would have spoken to his manager about being dropped rather than react in the media, as Marcus Rashford has done.
Tonali double puts rampant Newcastle into last four
A sticking plaster for Newcastle's internal tensions or a potential long-term cure for their problems? Whatever the reality Eddie Howe's inconsistent team are a two-leg semi-final away from a potentially transformative Wembley showpiece after two stellar first-half goals from Sandro Tonali and another from Fabian Schär undid an immensely disappointing Brentford on Tyneside.
Jesus hat-trick delivers early Christmas gift as Arsenal topple Palace
It seems fitting that Gabriel Jesus should have chosen this time of year to end his goalscoring drought.
Elliott the difference as Rusk's Southampton put up late fight
It was a night that Simon Rusk will never forget, the one when he took charge of Southampton for the first time in the wake of Russell Martin's sacking and carried the fight to Arne Slot and Liverpool.
United circus has derailed Rashford but fresh start is no guarantee of success
It was two years ago yesterday that Argentina won the World Cup. England had gone out to France in the quarterfinals and, beyond the usual kneejerk attacks on Gareth Southgate, there was a sense of general optimism.
Maresca still 'trusts' Mudryk after failed drugs test
Enzo Maresca has thrown his support behind Mykhailo Mudryk, saying he believes the Chelsea winger's insistence that he is innocent of taking a banned substance.
Caldentey's late spot-kick secures first place for Arsenal
A late Mariona Caldentey penalty powered Arsenal to the top of Group C in the Champions League at Bayern Munich's expense after a Magda Eriksson double looked to have secured a draw for the visitors.
Taylor 'desperate' for a break as brilliant Barça take top spot from City
Manchester City's head coach, Gareth Taylor, says his team desperately need the upcoming winter break to bolster their squad, after they were comprehensively outplayed by a Barcelona side who reminded everybody why they are the reigning European champions with an emphatic win.
Freddie calls up Flintoff as teen makes the grade for Lions tour
Rocky Flintoff has been called up to his father's Lions squad for next month's tour of Australia, with England using the trip to give young bowlers who are already in contention for a place in the senior Test squad experience of local conditions before next winter's Ashes.
