Sports hacks on our more “patriotic” newspapers have been dispatched to harvest hostile reactions from Three Lions fans, ex-players and former managers. Tuchel’s appointment is being portrayed as a betrayal of the nation (or, rather, that part of it which is both English and nativistic) only currently rivalled by Keir Starmer’s sinister plot to “reset” Brexit with streamlined procedures for photo-sanitary border checks. Predictably, Nigel Farage was performatively offended by this German incursion onto sovereign turf.
It’s at times like this that I reach for my battered DVD of the cult classic movie Mike Bassett: England Manager, a satirical masterpiece starring Ricky Tomlinson that was released in 2001 but, especially at the moment, feels timeless. The film tells the story of the titular Bassett, who finds himself in over his head as manager of the national team.
Bassett was an idiot, albeit a heroic failure in true English fashion (think Boris Johnson or British Leyland) but also helped into the post because the old boys who ran the Football Association found the idea of a foreigner managing England so distasteful.
Obviously, times have changed at the FA. Their trust in Tuchel to revive England’s fortunes after some disappointments and an unfortunate recent loss to Greece has been endorsed, notably, by Prince William – FA president and, as it goes, himself also a bit of a German.
But that hasn’t appeased the grumps. It should be an Englishman. Shouldn’t it?
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