My ex threatened me with a hot iron, says mother of two

A domestic abuse victim tells Maya Oppenheim how she was made 'a prisoner' throughout a two-decade-long campaign

- Maya Oppenheim

When Sarah* met her partner in the first few days of university, he initially played hard to get, refusing to commit to a relationship. Teasingly, he would mention the names of her friends he wanted to date.

But after a few months, indifference turned to obsession and she went on to experience a campaign of physical, financial, emotional and sexual abuse during their 20-year relationship. On one occasion he pinned her down and waved a hot iron over her face – as their children watched on. It was the fear of losing them that stopped her from leaving him for so long.

“He was possessive pretty much straight away,” she tells The Independent. “I met him in September – by Christmas, we were pretty much official. I would try and organise nights out with my friends and he would do a sulky face and say: ‘They don’t really like you.’”

Preventing her from wearing her favourite jewellery and choosing the clothes she wore, Sarah says he would insist she put them on, even when she did not like them.

Her interview comes as The Independent continues its Brick by Brick campaign with the charity Refuge to raise £300,000 to build a safe house for survivors of domestic abuse. Generous readers and celebrities have so far donated more than £100,000 to the appeal.

During university, Sarah says her ex manipulated her into thinking her friends did not like her so that she would pull out of living with them and move in with him instead. “One night, after being together for just a few months, he woke me up in the night after coming home drunk and verbally abused me and then raped me,” she says.