Is there a way to move on after uncovering financial infidelity?
Two days after his wife Olivia* left on an urgent trip to care for her sick mother, Graham* realised his marriage was in trouble.
As Olivia hurried to the airport, she'd asked Graham to make sure their bills got paid. But what arrived in the post wasn't just one credit card bill or even three - it was dozens. And the amount owed on them was enough to wipe out their lifetime of savings, including their house. Graham had no idea they were in so much debt.
A common story we hear about infidelity is a woman coming home early one day to find her husband in bed with another woman. But trust can be shattered in countless ways in a relationship, with many involving money: secret saving accounts, clandestine spending, lies about income, vanished investments.
Experts call this behavior 'financial infidelity', and it can be just as devastating a betrayal as adultery.
It's also, sadly, as common as potatoes. A 2022 US study revealed that 30% of couples have lied or been lied to about finances (U.S.
News & World Report). In my own circles, I know of a man who lost his job and couldn't summon the courage to tell his wife for weeks, and a woman who discovered her husband had 'invested' their life savings in what turned out to be a Ponzi scheme. Arguments about money are one of the main reasons couples divorce, because money is such an emotional topic: money is seldom just about money.
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