As you are no doubt aware, I'm in the middle of a potentially career-ending crisis at the moment.
Recently on The Project, a television show broadcast live to air on Three weeknights, we were served a dish of the latest TikTok weight-loss fare: copious amounts of mustard and cottage cheese surrounded by a delivery system of juicy gherkins.
I partook. That's part of my job, to put myself in the way of potential harm so you, the viewer, can be informed without personal risk, and I happily accept my role. Luckily, in this case, the experience was enjoyable. I compared it to the flavour of a Big Mac. I didn't immediately lose any weight.
The show finished, I removed my make-up, changed into my cheap clothes and headed home, unaware of the impending storm.
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