Last weekend, my baby boy Oryn turned one. As I helped him blow out the candle on his first birthday cake, he beamed up at me and I felt a rush of pride and joy.
It was followed immediately by the heart-stopping thought, ‘What if I hadn’t been brave enough to have you?’ That might be an odd thing for a young mum of 26 to say – after all, deciding to try for a baby is not an act of bravery per se. But, for me, having a child meant taking a huge leap of faith. Since my teens, I’ve lived with two – seemingly conflicting – certainties: one, that I desperately wanted to become a mother; and that I’m asexual. Those who are asexual experience little or no sexual attraction to others. Many people who identify as asexual do not want to have sex, and some choose never to do so. So, from the start, having a baby felt like a puzzle to be solved – given that, unlike many of my friends, I didn’t grow up convinced I’d fall in love with a tall, handsome stranger with whom I’d be desperate to start a family.
I could have agonised for years over how I would ever have a child. But then, aged 20, a degree of urgency was thrown into the mix. After years of painful periods I was diagnosed with adenomyosis, a condition that causes the lining of the uterus to wrongly grow within its muscular wall.
I was told the disease is degenerative; many women develop fertility issues and ultimately need a hysterectomy.
Early fascination
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the {{IssueName}} edition of {{MagazineName}}.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 9,000+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
The dark side to your CHRISTMAS NIGHT OUT
Do you know what’s in your glass this party season?
IS THERE ANYTHING MORE NOSTALGIC THAN CHRISTMASES PAST?
Do you remember the anticipation before the big day, pondering endlessly about what should go on your Christmas list? I would lovingly write two or three things down, pop it into an envelope and leave it by the fireplace to be wafted up the chimney like something out of Mary Poppins.
The Christmas that CHANGED OUR LIVES
We speak to three women about their most wonderful time of year
Fix a festive FALL-OUT
Had too much of a good thing? Our expert tips will help you feel better quickly
Reunited for CHRISTMAS
After his rocky TV comeback, ts Philrelying on wife Steph this holiday season?
'I don't want a THREE DAY HANGOVER'
Lorraine Kelly on how she’ll be spending her first Christmas as a grandma
Mistletoe AND WINE
All Rose wanted was a little extra sparkle at Christmas
Would you spend more ON THE DOG THAN ON YOUR HUSBAND?
Brits are happy to fork out more on their pets’ gifts than on their other half’s, according to a study. We investigate….
A new ACT OF BETRAYAL
King Charles misses Harry 'desperately' but has the trust gone, writes Emily Andrews
PRINCE ANDREW AND FERGIE ARE EXPECTED FOR CHRISTMAS!
After a tough year for William and Kate, the Waleses are looking forward to Christmas and catching up with the Royal Family – including, it seems, Prince Andrew and Sarah, Duchess of York.