Pain seared through my stomach as the safety bar pushed down. But my relief that the metal barrier had managed to click into place over my size-22 frame was replaced with panic as I imagined the rollercoaster jolting from side to side at speed – the bar digging deeper and deeper into my flesh. As my friends chatted excitedly next to me, I called the ride attendant back. ‘I need to get off,’ I whispered. Hot tears pricked my eyes as I walked back past the queue, my head hanging in shame.
It was 2018 and, aged 34, I’d met my university friends at a theme park for a fun reunion. Only, I now realised it wasn’t going to be any fun for me. This was the second ride I’d been too fat for – on the first, the safety bar hadn’t even made it over my lap.
BIG APPETITE
Looking back, I should have been prepared for what happened, but my weight had crept up so slowly over the years, I hadn't really noticed. I've always had a big appetite and enjoyed food. My mum laughed that when I was little, I'd make loud noises of appreciation when she fed me. At school, I always finished my lunch because my mum taught me it was a sign of respect and I hated waste - so much so that I'd eat my friends' leftovers too!
My weight didn't bother me but as I got older the bullying started. I hid away to avoid the nasty comments. Food was my comfort; I'd sit at home eating to fill the social gaps. When I started university I weighed 17st. It was the first time I'd properly socialised and I had nothing to wear. Spending my student loan on clothes, I found the only outfits that fit my 5ft 5in, size-22 frame were dowdy and unfashionable. I felt awful next to my slim, glamorous friends and started making excuses not to go out. ‘I’m too tired,’ I’d lie.
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