"Help! I'm a chronic people pleaser!"

Three out of four us admit to saying "yes" when we really mean "no!" Here, experts share easy ways to honor your needs while still being kind

ID your whys

Ask these questions 

If you're accommodating everyone at the expense of yourself, ask, What am I seeking? and What am I afraid will happen? advises expert Marcia Sirota, M.D. "You may be seeking approval but feel taken for granted." As for the second question, you might fear being rejected if you stop people pleasing. "But those who love you won't abandon you-and knowing this gives you freedom to prioritize your needs."

Practice 'RAIN'

Showing yourself compassion is central to letting go of the fear and perfectionism at the heart of people pleasing, says expert Cynthia Eddings, LMFT, who credits psychologist Tara Brach, Ph.D., with her favorite way to show herself kindness: RAIN. "It means Recognize, Allow, Investigate and Nurture. To do it, you slow down, allow your feelings, investigate where they come from and nurture yourself." That could be as simple as putting your hand over your heart and saying, "I'm enough."

Flip the old script