‘Talking could have saved my wonderful mum's life'

To mark World Suicide Prevention Day on September 10, Becky Morgan, 30, from Swindon, tells new how her mental health spiralled out of control after her mother took her own life

- KIM WILLIS

As my mum put the finishing touches to our sandcastle, she threw her hands into the air, elated. My dad and I cheered. Everyone said what a happy couple my parents were. They were #couplegoals before that was even a thing. They never argued so it came as a huge shock when they announced their divorce when I was 13. Dad moved out and I lived with my mum, Tracey, but she became deeply depressed. Whenever friends visited, she’d snap into happy-go-lucky mode, but when we were alone she was sad and numb. It must have been exhausting and she became more and more reclusive.

When I was 16 I had my son, Harley, and moved into a flat. Mum was supportive, but I was worried about her. Sometimes she’d say I’d be better off without her and I’d assure her that could never be the case. In August 2009, Mum told her GP she felt like she might kill herself and she was put in a secure unit. When I went to visit she put on her usual brave face, laughing and joking. She did such a good job of seeming fine, she was discharged and told she wasn’t ill enough to be there. But the doctors did allocate Mum a bed in a voluntary facility and she was so relieved as she hoped she’d get the help she needed.

“But don’t tell anyone where I am,” she told me, ashamed. “If anyone asks, say I’ve gone to visit family in Blackpool.” Maybe, if Mum had felt comfortable talking about how she was feeling, things would have been different. If she’d broken a leg, she wouldn’t have asked me to lie about it and I knew this shame around her mental health didn’t bode well. Then, as she was packing her bags to move to the voluntary unit, someone phoned to say they had to give her bed to someone who was higher priority.