'Will I Have To Keep My Other Life Secret For Ever?'

Jack* and his wife have found a new normal with their polyamorous relationships. But will friends and family be so accepting?

There tends to be a certain level of secrecy around polyamorous living. My wife Lucy* and I have told many of our friends about our new set-up, but few of them have met our respective new partners. When it comes to large social gatherings, Lucy and I either go alone, with platonic friends or as a married couple.

Up until recently, my girlfriend Nell* had only met one of my friends, and we’ve been seeing each other for more than a year. She is even more secretive than I am: despite being poly for over a decade, she only shares her true relationship status with her closest confidantes, none of whom I’ve met.

Fear of social outrage is certainly one of the main drivers for keeping this part of our lives hidden. Since Lucy and I began our polyamorous journey, we have experienced new lovers who have quickly been consumed by jealousy, mates who have completely shut themselves off from the idea, and other, more well-meaning friends who, nevertheless, fail to understand that poly is about honesty and equality rather than subterfuge and choosing one partner over another.