Dating & Mating With Esther Perel

Stay Connected Despite Your Differences.

Why do small dissimilarities—such as having different tastes in food, music, or travel—become major issues for some couples? And how do other duos handle conflicting stances on major topics such as religion, money, and—especially now—politics with ease? After years of working with clients, I’ve found it’s not the actual disagreement itself that causes problems within a romantic relationship. What matters so much more is how both partners respond emotionally when they don’t see eye to eye on something.

In fact, I believe that couples who can handle their disparities and approach potentially toxic topics in mature, respectful ways have the strongest bonds. They work hard to understand, appreciate, and accept what could otherwise divide them. If you adore your mate but he or she has an opinion or affinity you don’t share, here are some strategies to address your mismatched ideals while keeping your love intact.

LEAD WITH CURIOSITY

It’s incredibly easy to live in a bubble and surround yourself with people who constantly reinforce your own views. After all, if you block out everyone and everything that doesn’t mesh with your way of thinking, then you can never be wrong. But wanting things so all or nothing, black or white, or with me or against me can create a very narrow world.