The Dating Game

It can be daunting at the best of times, but what is it like looking for love when you’re in a wheelchair or a former reality TV villain? Four women spill on their unique dating lives

WHAT’S IT LIKE TO DATE …

WHEN YOU’RE HIV-POSITIVE

By May Samuelle as told to Kathryn Madden

In retrospect it made sense. My ex’s health was always up and down; he was an asthmatic, always getting colds. But when my GP told me I was HIV-positive back in 2009, I was shocked. I didn’t sleep for two weeks. I was 25, finishing uni and had just come out of a three year relationship. My ex had no idea he’d – or we’d – been living with the virus.

It took me 18 months to make sense of it. I educated myself about HIV in Australia and what it means for women. I knew things would be fine – I didn’t have any symptoms and my viral load was very low. The doctors reassured me I was going to live for a long time, and that it was unlikely I’d pass HIV onto a partner. But they still emphasised I should use protection during sex.

When I decided I was ready to date again, I was scared because I didn’t know how guys would react. When do you tell someone you have HIV? Right away? Or once you’ve gained their trust? I hoped if I remained positive about my situation, they’d be positive too.

The first guy I told looked at me and said, “Oh, you’ve got AIDS.” The second one felt sorry for me – but not in a good way. He viewed me as a victim. With others I’d see something in their body language change, and then I’d never hear from them again. I was shattered. I thought: “Am I this dirty person, dying, and no-one wants me now?” I felt ashamed that people were viewing me like that. I knew I wasn’t going to die,but that was their view. Some guys would freak out because of the no-sex-without-protection thing. Having sex with a condom was a constant reminder to them that I had HIV.