Flex Your Emotional Agility

Inner troll nagging at you again? Try these surprising ways to tame your self-critic and feel 100 per cent happier

- Kate Wills

Nope, not the comments of an internet troll, but thoughts that may have popped into your head in the past 24 hours. You’re not alone – 60 per cent of women have negative thoughts about themselves on a weekly basis, according to a recent survey by AOL and Today.

So, when we find ourselves in a downwards spiral, how do we banish these kinds of thoughts? According to Dr Susan David, Harvard psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, that’s our first mistake. She argues socalled ‘negative’ thoughts are natural and, providing we have flexibility to respond correctly, can actually be beneficial to our happiness.

Meanwhile, Dr Rita Santos is a cognitive behaviour therapist who specialises in anxiety. She often has to remind patients anxiety isn’t something ‘bad’ that can be ‘cured’ or replaced with happy thoughts. “Anxiety, anger and fear are just as valid as happiness and excitement,” says Santos. “They’re all part of being human. So don’t self-punish and tell yourself, ‘I should be dealing with this better’. Try to use it to work out what’s important to you.” But that’s easier said than done, right? Here’s how to overcome emotional obstacles...

1 THE STARTING BLOCKS

Know the saying: ‘Keep your friends close and your enemies closer’? That works with difficult feelings, too. “The first step is to show up,” says David. “Acknowledge and accept your emotions by saying, ‘I’m willing to have and experience these feelings.’ Just sitting with thoughts can feel powerful, especially if you’re used to bottling up emotions or replacing your negative thoughts with a positive affirmation.”