Sister Sister

Having a sister is great… until it isn’t. With competition and rivalry a natural part of growing up with siblings, how does that change as you become adults?

- Karen Fong

When it comes to family planning, most parents want their children to have siblings. The traditional idea is that each child will have a ready playmate… and that there will be one more person to help look after the parents when they get old.

A 2004 study in Ohio also showed that nursery-age children with siblings get into fewer fights, made friends more quickly and kept said friends for longer. But having someone relatively close to you in terms of age can also be problematic. Says Jean Shashi, Director of Relationship Matters, “Intense competition between siblings can possibly lead to an individual’s over competitiveness, unhealthy levels of stress and maybe lower self-confidence.”

Interestingly, Jean notes that there are no conclusive studies that place sibling rivalry as the cause of such effects. “Instead, more attention has been given to the influence of a sibling or parents’ differential treatment on the development of an individual, rather than the direct impact of sibling rivalry.”

Jean notes that comparisons from parents can start as early as when the child is 18 months and last through adulthood. It manifests in many ways, “from who begins to walk first to who has better [grades in school], the biggest house, the most money, the best car, the best spouse, the most number of children and so on.”

Jean adds that a parent’s biased treatment or labelling of each child as the ‘academic’ one or ‘creative’ one can “lead to self-esteem issues or preconceived notions that limits a child’s abilities.”

Playing favourites