How to Make A Marriage Better

Singapore-based clinical psychologist Claudia Doig looks at what it takes to keep the love alive in a marriage or long-term relationship, and tells us about the “love bows” we need in order to make a marriage better.

- Claudia Doig

Don’t we feel wistful when we see that rare old couple holding hands, looking so peaceful and content? While we may think they are just lucky, the secrets of deep connectedness and lasting love have been researched by many – including American psychologist Dr John Gottman. He observed over 3,000 couples across decades, identifying the behaviours and attitudes that benefit or damage marriages. His findings indicate that we can all cultivate our own “lovebows” – special ties that keep couples in strong, loving relationships.

Why it’s important to make it work

But why bother, when it takes so much effort and hard work? Well, myriad studies indicate that happy marriages pave the way for increased health, higher immunity, higher recovery rates from illness and longer lifespans. For example, unhappily married men are 11 times more likely to die prematurely than happily married men.

The benefits of a good marriage further extend to our children. Gottman found that the higher the quality of a marriage, the fewer stress hormones in children. Quality of marriage not only directly impacts children; it indirectly impacts parenting quality and children’s future trajectories. The better the quality of our marriage, the better the outcomes for our kids! And, lastly, why not have a home that’s a safe place, where we feel happy and appreciated?

The significance of small acts