Every relationship has its issues, so why the taboo? Sophia Bennett lifts the veil on marriage counselling and finds a pre-emptive strike is increasingly par for the course.
“I’m going to ask you to sit facing each other and look deeply into each other’s eyes for a whole minute,” our marriage therapist told us, 10 minutes into our first session. “It’s a mindfulness exercise that enhances intimacy and establishes a deeper psychic connection between lovers,” she explained, using many of my least favourite words in a single sentence. Dutifully, my husband and I rearranged our chairs and tamped down the instinct to back out of her sandalwood-scented practice room and make a run for it. Because we had come this far. We had realised after two years in marital S-town that therapy might be the only road out. So while she retied a block-print headscarf that suggested she had a Kwanzaa festival to get to after our 50-minute hour, we locked eyes and waited.
And then her phone dinged. And then again. “Sorry,” she said, fumbling in her basket. “Stay present, loving partners, I’m just going to quickly check this in case it’s my son needing a ride.” Three more dings and we got up, thanked her for her ruinously expensive time and left without a follow-up appointment.
Technically, our first experience with couple counselling had the makings of a killer anecdote – the therapist with message alert issues – except my husband and I had decided not to tell anyone that we had chosen to get help. We were embarrassed. Ashamed, I think, that we couldn’t fix things ourselves and worried that friends would see it as a sign our marriage was on its last legs, instead of what it actually was – a Hail Mary attempt to break patterns of behaviour that we set up before our first anniversary, and chart a different course in our marriage.
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Books: Shelf-Care
Find a little respite in this seasonâs most exciting new reads
Men's Rites
Deciding to go through a gender transition isnât easy for anyone. But the hardest person for journalist Daniel Mallory ortberg to convince was himself
Kick Start
In these uncertain times, louis vuittonâs artistic director nicolas ghesquiÚre is looking to the past to help make sense of the future
Music: Everything Is Illuminated
Phoebe Bridgers is a musician who revels in the darkness, albeit having earned her place in the spotlight
SUPER NATURE ESCAPISM WILDERNESS BREATHING INFRESH AIR BATHING IN SUNSHINE
IN THE SPIRIT OF DISCOVERY AND NEW HORIZONS, MODEL GEORGIA FOWLER HEADS FOR THE GREAT OUTDOORS
THE big CLEANSE
WEâVE PURGED OUR KITCHEN CABINETS OF SUGAR AND CULLED THE CLOTHES THAT DONâT SPARK JOY, BUT WE MAY HAVE ARRIVED AT THE MOST BENEFICIAL (AND EASIEST) CLEANSE OF ALL
TALKING to strangers
SINCE THE EARLY 1900S, AN AGONY AUNT HAS BEEN A WILLING EAR. BUT AT A TIME OF DMS AND ASKME-ANYTHINGS, SEEKING ADVICE FROM SOMEONE YOU DONâT KNOW HAS BECOME RISKY BUSINESS
singled OUT
WEâVE ENTERED AN ERA OF MYRIAD RELATIONSHIP STATUSES â COUPLED, FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS, OPEN, POLYGAMOUS, THREE-DIGITALDATES-IN-BUT UNSURE-WHERE-THIS-IS-GOING. But is flying solo the last taboo?
GYPSY CREEK
INTERIOR DESIGNER LOUELLA BOÃTELGILL TAKES US INSIDE HER QUIRKY BYRON BAY HINTERLAND CREATION, WHICH OVERFLOWS WITH A BEACHY, HAPPY VIBE
DRIVE: DESIGN in motion
HOW THE HOTTEST INTERIOR TRENDS COULD DEFINE WHAT YOUR NEXT CAR LOOKS LIKE