78 Return Gift

A POX ON PEOPLE WHO GIVE CRAPPY PRESENTS

- Anish Trivedi

 I ’m running out of room. The unfortunate thing about urban living is the upper limit it places on storage space. I barely have room for a basic wardrobe. And still, I’m using valuable space for gifts given to me over the years.

You’re wondering why I’m complaining. Presents, you say. You should be happy you have them, you cry. But before you start calling me an ungrateful wretch, let me show you what’s stacked on the shelves.

Let’s start with the perfumery department. From the women I know, I receive colognes that will have me smelling the way they’d like me to. “It’s what my father always wore,” says one particularly clueless lass. Men are more direct. They give you the ones they were gifted but will never use. Most won’t even bother changing the wrapping paper. Why take the trouble when you know it’s going to end up coming back to you on your next birthday?