Rules For Love

When your kids leave the nest, don’t let your marriage go too.

- Tamela Mann

All our lives as a couple—David and I have been married 30-plus years—we’d planned for a family. We planned to buy our first home, with room for all our kids. We planned every birthday and graduation together. But we didn’t plan for the day our kids wouldn’t live with us anymore. We never planned to be empty nesters.

With our careers as singers and actors, we’re on the road a lot (you might have seen us in a Tyler Perry movie or two). Then one day we came home to an empty house. Peace and quiet. It was eerie. I didn’t know how to live in a house without noise.

Both David and I grew up in big families. From almost the moment we said “I do,” we had children around. There was my niece Sonya, whom we took in when her mom died, and David’s daughter Porcia from a previous relationship. Next came Tiffany, the greatest surprise our family has ever received. (I’ll get to that later.) Soon I had David Jr., followed by Tia. Our lives were noisy and busy. If the babies weren’t crying, the television was blasting. If the phone wasn’t ringing, then somebody was burning something in the kitchen. Then we looked up and our kids had grown and gone.

Admittedly we had to hasten the two younger girls along. Every strong family needs to have rules, and one rule I was strict about was that the kids had to keep their rooms clean. Tiffany and Tia, well into their twenties, found that impossible. I told them once; I told them twice. Finally I laid down the law: “Girls, if I walk back in this house and your rooms are a mess, you will be asked to leave.”