Every Choice You Make Makes You

All the choices we make define who we are. But, how do you know you’re doing the right thing for yourself? Here’s a guide to help you make those life-changing decisions.

- Poon Li-Wei

EMBRACING SELF-LOVE

Sometimes, abuse is subtle and difficult to discern in a relationship. According to US psychologist Dr John Gottman, there are four behaviours known to be highly toxic and destructive in relationships:

1 Criticism

This involves attacking the other person at the core of their character through distasteful name-calling and down-putting words – leaving the other assaulted, rejected and hurt.

2 Contempt

This occurs when one partner feels superior and smarter than the other – leading them to be mean and disrespectful. It can manifest in the form of eye-rolling or scoffing; mocking; ridiculing; sneering; snapping; or being sarcastic either in private or public settings.

3 Defensiveness

When a partner feels unjustly accused and criticised, they will react and play the victim in hopes the other would back off. At times, they could even reverse blame in an attempt to make it the other partner’s fault.

4 Stone-walling

This often happens as a response to contempt. When people feel overwhelmed by emotions, instead of confronting issues with their partner, they opt for the silent treatment and completely withdraw from communication – or they may become passive-aggressive, and avoid or cut off any form of physical or emotional affection.

When should you leave?