Blended Bliss

You’ve seen it on TV and watched the movie, but when it comes to merging yours, mine and ours, it is a little easier said than done. Peta Daniel talks to our expert, while some in the know share some valuable insight on blending families

Not long ago divorce and having children before marriage was taboo, but today, the word ‘family’ has taken on a much broader meaning. Getting together with a new partner may mean taking on their children too, and this may not always be easy. We discuss some family situations and offer parents advice on how to make it work.

WHAT IS A BLENDED FAMILY?

A blended family is most commonly where two adults start a relationship, and one or both has children from a previous relationship. There are many ways in which families are blended, and no way is better or worse than the other, provided that both parents are committed to making the situation work.

COMMON CHALLENGES WHEN FAMILIES BLEND

For children, there is often resentment of the stepparent and an attitude of ‘you’re not my mother/ father, so don’t tell me what to do’. This can become especially difficult when trying to discipline children. Stepsiblings may also feel that the other sibling is receiving preferential treatment. Children may find it difficult to cope with new living spaces or having new people in their home, or new rules and structures. This is where it is imperative in giving the children adequate time to adjust and acclimatise to the new additions to the family.

For the stepparent there is often a difficulty in getting the stepchild to relate to them, open up to them and see them as a part of the family. Frustration is understandable as the parent might feel torn between their new partner and their child and feel the pressure of trying to hold everyone together. If the child is battling with the change, the parent may feel guilty for what appears to them as choosing their own happiness over their child’s.